My teen bullies others: what should I do?
Finding out that your teen is bullying others can be upsetting: anger, shame, guilt, worry… that’s normal. But it’s also an important warning sign: you need to act quickly, with clear boundaries, without humiliating your child.
To remember
👉 Stay calm, clarify what happened, and clearly state that bullying is never acceptable, even if your teen downplays it or makes excuses.
👉 Set clear limits and consistent consequences, then help your teen learn healthier alternatives, while working with the school and seeking professional support if needed.
Stay calm, but take the situation seriously
Your first reaction can set the tone for what comes next. If you explode, your teen may shut down or lie. If you minimize it, the behavior may continue.
Your goal: help your teen change the way they act in order to stop the bullying.
Clarify what happened (without excusing it)
Choose a calm moment and ask simple questions:
“What happened?”
“What were you trying to get out of it?”
“Is someone influencing you?”
“Are you going through something difficult right now?”
💡Even if your teen tries to justify themselves (“it was just a joke,” “they deserved it”), stay firm: hurting someone (physically or otherwise) is not okay.
Set clear boundaries and consistent consequences
Your teen needs to understand that bullying hurts, has consequences, and will not be tolerated. Choose logical and consistent consequences, for example:
limiting or supervising phone access if the bullying is happening online,
taking away a privilege,
asking them to make amends (an apology, a concrete gesture, depending on the situation),
planning follow-up with the school.
The goal is not to punish, but to provide a consequence that helps your teen learn from the situation and better understand the link between their behavioral choices and the impact they have on others.
Learn other ways to handle things
A teen may bully to feel strong, to be accepted, to defend themselves, to manage anger, or to get revenge. That doesn’t excuse the behavior, but it helps guide the solution.
You can help them find alternatives:
stepping away before things escalate,
asking an adult for help,
expressing frustration without attacking,
learning different ways to manage anger.
💡Your teen needs to understand they can feel intense emotions without hurting others.
You are not alone
If it happens at school, contact the person in charge (the principal, a support staff member, or a school counselor/intervenor). Ask what has been observed, what measures are in place, and how you can work together. When school and home send the same message, it’s much more effective.
If your teen repeats the behavior, seems out of control, appears very angry, or if the situation has been going on for a while, don’t wait. A professional (psychoeducator, psychologist, counselor, or intervenor) can truly help.
Acting early can prevent this behavior from becoming a habit.
