Am I ready to have sex for the first time?

I’m not sure if I’m 100% ready, should I wait or is it normal to not be completely sure and do it anyway?

 

It’s preferable but not mandatory to be 100% sure about wanting to have sexual intercourse with someone in order to do it. Some people may be hesitant and it’s okay to allow yourself to try it. What is most important is to keep the other person informed about how you are feeling, experiment but give yourself the right to stop if you’re no longer comfortable, be able to trust that the other person will check you’re OK along the way, and stop if it’s not working for you.

 

Some things to think about

 

• Do you want to explore your sexuality with your boyfriend or girlfriend?
• Do you trust your current partner?
• Do you feel that he/she respects you?
• Do you want to share this kind of intimacy with him/her?
• Are you comfortable enough to talk about it with your partner?
• Are you really doing it for yourself, and not to please your partner or because you feel pressured?
• Do you know about contraceptives and protection against STBBIs?
• Have you chosen one? Do you have it on you?
• Have you made your decision with a clear head, without drugs or alcohol clouding your judgment?

 

If you answer YES to all these questions, you may be ready!

 

Now is the time to imagine the experience of your dreams: the time, the place, the mood, etc. Talk about it with your girlfriend or boyfriend. Why not organize this first time together?

 

When the big day comes, remember that there’s no rush. Take your time, go at your own speed, and pay attention to your partner. You can start with foreplay: kissing, stroking, sweet talk, massage, etc. You can also tell your partner what you want and what embarrasses you, what you like and what you don’t like, activities you feel comfortable or uncomfortable with. Give yourself the right to discover and learn. Remember that you can stop at any time if you no longer feel ready!

 

Signs that this isn’t the right time 

Do you feel like you’re ready to make love, you want to, but something’s bugging you or making you hold back? Then this may not be the best time to have this experience!

 

Here are some situations indicating that this may not be the right time:

 

• You’re being harassed, blackmailed, threatened, or pressured
• You don’t feel respected in the relationship or the current situation
• You don’t feel comfortable or trusting with the other person
• You’re not sure you want to have your first sex with your current partner
• The only reason you want to make love is to please the other person
• You want to have sex because you’re fed up or embarrassed about being a virgin
• You feel that the other person’s being pushy
• You’re putting pressure on yourself
• You’ve consumed alcohol or drugs
• You know your partner wants to try a sexual activity that you’re not comfortable with
• You don’t want to any more

 

You should never feel obligated to make love. If you feel that this isn’t the right time, you’re probably right. Trust yourself!

 

How do I know if this is the right person?

To know this, you can ask yourself 2 very important questions. First, do you want to have this physical experience with this person? Second, do you trust him/her? You need to be ready to talk to the other person about your doubts, wishes, expectations… in short, your intimate life. Does your partner know how to listen to you, give you confidence, and reassure you?

 

Sexuality is an experience, a process, a kind of learning. It’s as if you were going on a trip with the other person: Do you trust that person enough to set out alone with him/her? Do you have compatible interests and desires? Of course, your desires and needs may be different at times. It’s impossible to always agree about everything, but there has to be some common ground!

 

Help! I’m scared I won’t know what to do!

In the beginning, everyone has fears or worries. No matter how much experience your partner has, remember that for him/her it’s also the first time… with you! After all, every person is different, with their own desires, drives, and limits. So it’s important to talk together about what you know and what you want.

 

Sex isn’t an exam! Nobody’s grading you – you don’t need to be “good”! Now is the time to explore! Give yourself time to learn more about your partner and yourself. Go slowly and remember there’s no one technique, since everybody’s different. If you feel comfortable about it, ask your friends and other people questions to help prepare yourself.

 

Is it true that my first time will hurt and I’ll bleed?

First sexual intercourse can sometimes be a bit painful. If a girl feels stressed, the muscles of her vagina contract, which makes penetration more difficult. And stress is also bad for arousal: then there might not be enough vaginal lubrication, which can make penetration uncomfortable.

 

Ultimately, if you’ve never experienced full vaginal penetration, the hymen – a small membrane located at the vaginal opening – is tight. Depending on the shape of their hymen, some girls won’t feel anything, others may feel slight discomfort, and some may feel more or may bleed a little.

 

Did you know that your hymen might already be dilated if you play various sports, use tampons, or masturbate? In addition, hymens come in all shapes! If you’re afraid you might feel pain, you can help dilate your hymen by pushing it aside with gentle massage and stroking.

 

You don’t become “ready” at a particular age or after a particular event. Everyone has their own speed and everyone’s ready at a different time. You might be ready when your partner isn’t… or vice versa! And whether your friends are ready or not shouldn’t have any effect on your own feelings.

 

Yesterday you felt ready and today you’re not any more? That’s very possible and it’s normal! It’s also possible that you may never be ready to do certain things. What’s important is to remember that you always have the right to say no. You might also be ready to do one thing but not another.

 

Whew, it’s complicated! And that’s exactly why it’s important to talk about it with the other person. You want him/her to know what you’re ready to do… and you also want to understand him/her. If you feel comfortable talking about it with your partner, you’ll also feel more comfortable sharing intimacy with him/her!

 

It’s also possible that you don’t feel ready because you’re not comfortable with yourself. If that’s the case, you can talk to us at any time by texting or phoning Tel-jeunes.