My teenager makes homophobic comments: what can I do?

Communication and Discipline › My teenager makes homophobic comments: what can I do?

Adolescence can be a tumultuous time of identity-building. It's not uncommon for young people, in search of their bearings, to express themselves awkwardly, or even hurt others without measuring the consequences. When faced with homophobic remarks, the first reaction is often anger or disappointment. However, it's crucial to give priority to dialogue and listening in order to provide your teenager with the best possible support.

To remember

👉 It's important not to react with anger, but rather to try to understand the reasons behind the comments.

👉 Take the opportunity to deconstruct your teen's prejudices by explaining LGBTQ+ reality.

👉 Ask for help if necessary.

Deconstructing your own biases

Before starting a dialogue with your teenager, it's essential to take a moment to reflect on your own values, biases and prejudices.

We all have our own baggage and experiences that shape our view of the world. By acknowledging our own filters, we can approach the conversation with more openness and empathy.

Ask yourself questions like:

What are my own biases about sexual orientation and gender identity?
How do my past experiences influence my perceptions?
Do I feel comfortable talking openly and honestly about these issues?

Asking yourself these difficult questions can help you engage in a more authentic and constructive dialogue with your teenager.

Understanding without judging

Above all, remember that your teenager is still developing. His comments, however hurtful, do not necessarily reflect deep-rooted homophobia. It may be a clumsy attempt to fit in with a group, a repetition of phrases heard without understanding their meaning, or an expression of discomfort with a reality he or she doesn't understand.

Rather than making your teen feel guilty, try to understand what's behind his or her words. Start the conversation calmly by asking:

What do you mean by that?
Why do you think that?
Do you know what LGBTQ+ people go through?

Listen carefully to his answers without interrupting, even if they offend you. Your aim is to create a climate of trust so that he/she feels free to express him/herself without fear of being judged.

Educate and raise awareness

Once you've got the word out, take the opportunity to deconstruct prejudices and raise your teen's awareness of LGBTQ+ reality:

Explain that sexual orientation is a spectrum, and that everyone is free to love whoever they want.
Insist on respect for everyone, whatever their differences.
Share testimonials from LGBTQ+ people to help them better understand their reality and develop empathy.
Highlight inspiring LGBTQ+ figures in various fields.

Don't hesitate to draw on reliable resources such as books, films, documentaries or LGBTQ+ association websites.

Asking for help

It may be difficult to establish a dialogue, or you may feel helpless in the face of the situation. Don't hesitate to seek professional help:

Consult your family doctor, who can refer you to a psychologist or sexologist.
Contact an LGBTQ+ youth or community organization that offers support for young people and families.
Contact us at Tel-jeunes Parents if you need to vent and share your concerns.

Keep in mind that you're not alone. Many resources exist to help you guide your teen toward greater openness and tolerance. The important thing is not to remain silent in the face of homophobia.