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Pseudo123xd - gars - 20 ans (13 juillet 2017)

Should I keep seeing him? Context: Met a guy on a gay app 2 months ago because I was ?bi-curious? and wanted to try something different (I?ve had sex with women and enjoyed it). I am 20 years old and he is 18 years old. He lives 450 km away and we have met 4 times (1 day three times and one time 5 days). We speak everyday on Skype for hours and we get along really well (most of the times). I told my parents that I was Bi and my brother (It was realllllllly hard and stressful but I did it). No one else knows about what I really am. He wants to be a couple but 2 months ago I was happy, hetero (for people?s eyes) and had a great life. Now, I am happy but in a different way. I?m scared of what my life would be if I would tell everyone about us. All my life plans would be ruined or changed... Also, I went to his place for a couple of days and we got caught smoking (I know, that?s bad ...) by his parents. It was the first time that they saw me ever. At diner, they received a call of their daughter. She told them that she was in jail for possession at the same time that we got caught... So embarrassing...Now I feel bad going at his place because of this and it makes me really uncomfortable. I really NEED opinions, thoughts, comment or advices with this situation - dilemma. Should I keep seeing him? HELP Good: ? We do drugs together ? We have sex together ? We do sports together ? We are having fun together ? We enjoy each other?s company ? My family knows that I?m seeing another guy and they accepted it(they know I went to see him a couple of times) but doesn?t know that he loves me really much ? My family knows who I really am ? His family is really friendly and fun Bad: ? Reveal that I love another man to friends and surroundings that I know for 20 years(Best friends because my family already know) ? He lives 450 km away ? Hard to meet because he?s really far away ? It cost a lot of money to go see him ? My future will change forever if I tell all my friends ? He?ll probably want to kill himself (He sort of told me once...) ? I will have to face all the stereotypes and other people?s judgment ( at work, at the park, everywhere) ? Nothing is guaranteed and I?m still unsure of everything and that makes things a lot harder ? I am stressed like never before ? I often don?t sleep because I imagine the worst scenarios in my head ? I don?t want to lose my life that I had 2 months ago ? I feel really bad when I?m in public ( like a lot)

Réponse de TelJeunes

Salut Pseudo123xd,

I can see that you are having a hard time deciding what to do with this situation. It is causing you so much stress! Let’s go through it together.

First of all, coming out as bisexual or gay or else is never very easy for anyone. It is known that some people have a hard time accepting their bisexual or gay friends, and most of the time it’s because they don’t understand what it means or they are scared of something. Therefore, it is very normal that you are scared about coming out to society in general. It is a personal choice and a personal process, and it can take time to be OK with it, so take the time you need. I am also very happy to hear that your family is there for you in this process :)

When I read your e-mail, I have the impression that you are rushing to tell the world about something that you are not even sure about. You are asking yourself a lot of questions about your sexual orientation, what it means to you and also a lot of questions about this new person in your life which are two different subjects. That is why some people take more time to see where their relationship is going first and if they feel committed to it or not. It is only after figuring these things out that they feel more ready to tell others about their bi-sexuality or homosexuality and relationship, do you follow? What do you think about it?

If you leave everything that is stressing you out on the side and you focus only in this relationship, how do you feel? Do you like this person a lot? Do you want to see where it can go or not sure about it? I'll leave you to think about it and if you have more questions during this process, write us back!

Take care :)
Tel-Jeunes.



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